Sunday, January 4, 2009
My new year eve, countdown with friends at The Curve. Actually, its only thin thin and thin mood that time. Why? I don`t know why. Since in hometown my spirit just blank, I think I will get back myself if go out with friends, but at last, its just same.
-after new year countdown first photo take with friends
30th Dec, alone went to some college in KL settle my stuff, after that take my personal report some re-checked I`ve done last week. Result? I think i already numb, i have no sad feeling already that time. Although blank in mood, I also need act as nothing wrong when meet friends at Mid Valley. (thanks to jw gift me a belated xmas present that time). Night, alone at playground, that time, I unbearably cried out. I had a strong feel im that a pity guy, very hate myself. Various of shit problem rounding me. Thought it though it, friend find me already. I wish to voice out my feeling that time, but known the next day he got class and don`t always disturb him, so just keep quiet and ran away. Mid-night, sleep then woke up suddenly, beside cos my ill, its also because my mind also. I don`t know why.
-view from Genting Highland-
01st Jan 09, a new year has come. New year, I hope all of bad mood last year wont step onto new year, but unfortunately, its cant. With a group of friends went to Genting Highland. Don`t know why, I totally have no the feeling of vacation. Just like a walking corpse. Pretend, pretend to nothing, pretend n act funny funny with friends. I want to play the games there, thin mood and consider to my pocket so just looking around there. In cinema watching movie, just 1 word can talk=pretend, have a recurrence of an old illness that time, just quiet and endure. (very cold in cinema, till affect my trachea, made me hard to breath=.=). This day, whole day thin-ing mood.
02nd Jan, I leave my friend`s place. I stay at Cheras alone, because nearest with the place I plan to going next day, and don`t always disturb friends so I move to other place. This day, maybe got some misunderstanding with friend, maybe its my fault or what, but I just voice out what I felt. If really got problem between us, I think will find a date talk it clearly personally its better, no longer talk in messenger, its just will bring more blur only, so that why I seldom talk the serious stuff in messenger, beside using webcam chating. This day, walking beside street, thought there, just a very very sour feeling on my heart, its damn grieved. Thought it thought it, my tears was fall down.
Next day, finish settle my stuff, depart back to hometown. Thought many in the bus. I angry, I hate, I cry, I disappointed, but what can I do? I wish to stop all these, but I don`t know why I still cant do it. Its very very grieved, I have no tear for me to cry already, I don`t know who can I tell my mind already. Now I just want, can get a warming hug, that`s a powerful concern.
~I love u Lok Lok, now you are my only close people. 来，给daddy抱一个!